Despite what is happening in the four small walls of Paxton's NICU room the world outside goes on. Its a really weird feeling for Brian and I. We feel like time has stopped and each day seems like a month, each hour seems like a day, and each minute an hour. We are doing out best to be Paxton's champion and still present and good parents to Easton and Ben. Sometimes I think we are rocking it and other days....like today I feel we are failing. But we just keep trying and I have learned as a parent that's all you really can do. There really is no failure in loving your children to the best of your ability at each moment. This morning Ben was throwing up bc he doesn't want to eat dinner and we don't force it but then he takes advantage of our exhaustion and eats snacks and candy and it has finally caught up to him. I cant really blame him. I haven't forced him to sit at the table until his plate is clean, I haven't locked the childproof lock on the pantry knowing that he can get in there easily, and I certainly haven't been as strict with their schedules as usual. We are pretty relaxed parents anyways, but the last 9 days have been extremely loosey goosey. This morning as Ben was throwing up what was probably a lot of sour gummy worms and juice I realized this was his way of telling us enough is enough. Get your sh@! together mom and dad. We really are trying, but sometimes we just don't do a great job....me especially. Between exhaustion, endlessly changing emotional stages, and trying to recover from a very rough C-section without actually resting or relaxing I have stepped away from the rule regulator. I will do better. That's all I can do. Easton and Ben both know that mom and dad are tired and always running around like chickens with their heads cut off, but Easton is the only one the grasps that its bc Paxton is sick and we are trying to get him better. We are really working this week to keep their schedules after Mary Pat's the same but its so hard as both Brian and I want to be in two places at once.
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| SO HANDSOME! |
Easton turned 5 last Friday. Originally we thought he would be the next birthday but Paxton just had to beat him :) Brian slept at the hospital Thursday night so he came home super early so that when Easton woke up we would both be home to make a big deal out of it! Last year I filled Eastons bed with balloons so he kept telling people that's what was going to happen. We refused to let anything get in the way of us doing that so we made sure Easton had a whole bed full of balloons that morning. It was my first night sleeping at home so both boys were in bed with me. Easton woke up and we sang Happy Birthday and told him to go running to his room.
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| Good Morning I'm FIVE! |
He was so excited! It was so nice to feel like life was normal even for an hour. He just couldn't wait for his big day. He had treats to bring to pre-school and my mom met us at Mary Pat's with some donuts for Pre-School and Mary's.
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| he was so excited we kept the balloon bed birthday morning tradition alive (even though they slept in bed with me that night) |
It was not only his birthday at Pre-School but cowboy day too. My mom went to Nobbies last week while we were at the hospital and got both boys (bc you cant get Easton something without getting Ben something too). I attempted to put him in a flannel and jeans (aka Fancy pants as he calls jeans lol) but that wasn't happening. He wanted to be a Mario cowboy in his cool new shirt from Grammie. Its his birthday so he can rock whatever kind of cowboy get up he wants!
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| Cowboy day...he wanted to be a Mario Cowboy.... |
So besides having my parents and Brian's parents doing SO much for us last week while we were at the hospital on the emotional roller coaster from hell Brian's brother and sister in law stepped in. They picked the boys up from Mary's that day and took them all to a pumpkin patch and then out to dinner at their country club. They had a cookie cake made for him and really showered him in love. My heart seriously melted with thanks and love. They literally check in daily and never feel like they are doing enough.....when in reality they are going above and beyond every day. Angie has brought us up food for lunch at the hospital; she put together a meal drop off plan with Brian's aunts and mom; and this week they are taking the boys for a picnic and ice cream. The reason these boys are adjusting at all to this craziness at all is mostly due to them and the rest of our family who are stepping in to make their days a bit more fun and a bit less hectic.
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| Kalasek Cousin Crew! |
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| Aunt Angie and Uncle Pat sure know how to make a boy feel extra special! |
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| After a LONG week of nothing but negatives this was the medicine I needed |
Easton's friend party was last Saturday. Originally I wasn't going to go. But after spending 6 days nonstop in the NICU and having bad news continually coming our way the nurses even pushed me to go. Also, I felt strongly that he deserved both parents at his big event! The kids all had so much fun and it was good for me to get back out in the "real world" that has somehow continued to go on. My little world stopped the second the doctors said something was wrong with my littlest love, but the rest of the world just keeps spinning. Its a very eerie and odd feeling.
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| somebody doesn't like all this attention lol |
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| "listening" to the safety video |
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| Uncle Pat racing the kids to the top |
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| My sweet face...holding his injured elbow lol |
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| The Crew |
Most of his friends from Mary Pat's were there with the except of 2 other families (who also have 2 boys each); our next door neighbors came; and of course cousins Baylor and Brynlee were there. They ran, climbed, jumped, laughed, and were sweaty messes when it was all said and done. It was great! I am seriously so proud of the little 5 year old Brian and I created. He has a great group of kids he is around weekly and he is so kind to everyone.
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| Silly Faces |
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| Bro and Sis In Law did all the set up for us.....they are so amazing! |
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| King of the Castle today! |
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| embarrassed by so much attention |
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| make a wish! |
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| birthday boy |
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| peak-a-boo! |
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| sweet dreams little men |
We opened up his gifts once we got home. He kept thanking everyone even though they were not obviously present. A few items were duplicates of things he already had at home. We told him we could go take them back and get something else and he was shocked we would even dream of doing that. "I don't want to do that mom. They are my friends I don't want them to be sad if I take there presents back" This is just one of the MANY examples of Easton's heart. I know I am always bragging on the size of his heart but it still after 5 years baffles my mind. He is truly the sweetest human I have ever been around. Yes, he is still a pistol towards his brother and uses every chance he gets to push Benny's buttons and rile him up, but when no one is paying attention he is the kindest big brother you will ever see. Regardless of what we find out about Paxton I worry less because Easton will be his big brother.
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| this whole NICO business is getting to everyone! |
This week has been juggling carpool (since I cant drive yet) and time spent in NICU and at home. I feel like we are probably doing better than we feel like we are doing. Easton and Ben are starting to lose their patience with this entire situation and I don't blame them. Last night Easton had a melt down due to not getting any presents when he came up to the hospital bc he now acquaints vising Paxton with getting something. Mostly our fault for thinking getting him something from Paxton would help entice their excitement about a new brother. And maybe it would've if things would have played out a bit better, but after that family and friends also dropped off things for Paxton and the boys, and then Easton's birthday was also last week so he is starting to go through gift withdrawal. LOL! For now this remains our new normal and in another few days to a week this normal may once again change. We don't know. God and Paxton are the only ones who know what this path looks like for us so for now we just pray, hope, believe, and wait. We are beyond blessed with a killer support group and some pretty special angels in Heaven watching over him for the few moments we aren't physically in the room with Pax. Brian's mom has cleaned out home, his dad has worked in our yard, my parents are by my side as much as possible, and taking the boys left and right. The five families at MaryPat's are doing a meal train for us this week, Brian's family is doing one next week, and the gifts, visitors, and outpouring of thoughtful messages left and right are helping us focus on Paxton, take care of ourselves, and give us the strength we need to tackle this situation one day at a time. I am stronger than I was yesterday, but weaker than I will be tomorrow! For now that's all I know. Thank you everyone for the prayers and keep them coming! God Bless.
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| daddy and his dudes |
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